Hanging out at Kinkos. Every time I go in that place I feel like I am starring in an SNL skit about how bad of a place it is. I hate it: its impossible to get anything done, and the only consoling factor is the notion that the staff must be playing some sort of game to ensure that no-one can get any project finished there - ever.

Today, I had to print out some photos for trial tomorrow. I started with one guy, who pawned me off on another woman. She signed me up on a computer (20 cents/min), then told me to go ask a third person how to set the photos up. I then paid 20 cents/min to stand in line waiting for this magical helper, only to return with her to my terminal to find that the same woman who logged me in had logged me out and taken my disk. Magical helper rebooted the computer and promised to come back, and then finished for the day. And so it went.

Few places make considering self-mutilation as appealing as Kinkos does (who knows - maybe their staff actually help people who are in desperate need of medical attention - if not, at least you won't be bored out of your mind anymore), and, even worse, Kinkos provides you with a variety of tools:

1. Staple-remover: this implement can be used to stab yourself in the hand, the thigh...the possibilities are endless, really. Think soft and squishy. Also, can be used to remove eyes.

2. Paper cutter: fingers. Gone.

3. Photocopiers: temporarily blind yourself by photocopying your face (eyes open) or skip the high-tech stuff and just drink the toner.

4. High quality, high cost resume paper: paper cuts, which you can then douse with toner.

5. Scissors: the options. I'll suggest one - rend your clothing. Very biblical.