At first I felt bad at the idea of sharing this Craigslist posting, but then it was so epic I felt it would be an insult not to:


I can make a confession here right?
I can whisper my dirt to clear my chest....

This cycle is one of the most disturbing things I've ever been a part of.
She's eating dinner with you big guy.
I'm typing this on her computer.
You see I have her house key, and her car keys, and the door pass and all the phone numbers (even the one you don't have.) Creepy? No what's creepy is that I get them back every time I return them.
Do you know what we did today at work? I called her and she called me, and we talked about how much we wanna fuck tonight. Im sure she was chatting with you too.

Creepy? Yep. I think we are now officially registering some creep.

So who has issues?
You nerd boy? Oh yes for sure.
She does? Absolutely.
Me? Totally.

See she followed you around for those 2 years while you pretended you were a big man, because a vulnerable woman had fallen in love with the dream of being with you... make sure you read this correctly, not with you, with the dream of being with you. What it could be, not what it ever was. Cause from what she tells me it was pretty much a once a month fuck, and you dodging phone calls the other 29 days.
Nice big guy, classy shit.

Her? Well I'm part of her cycle now. You know, the one where she's with a new guy, and talking to the last guy she was with still, until she goes back to him, loses them both, and then starts with someone else, and the cycle continues. You know the last 10 years of her life? Oh wait, maybe you don't know? Cause you're too busy pretending you are not a fat it nerd and want to pretend you have a shot at being a cool race car driver. Good luck with that one tubby.

Me? I be the dumbass of the love triangle. Yep.
I somehow got the idea in my head that if I stick with her I could break the cycle for her.
Yes I love her sometimes, very much.
Sometimes, not so much.
She's a pretty selfish person to explain the whole situation to me, leave me, go out with you, come back and then fuck me.

See two years go by, you are kind of missing the point of a relationship both in and out of the bed I'm told. Well, I'm just told this, maybe you're great in bed, but I can't understand why she wants to keep me around then... Anyways, so then she meets me, and is like, oh a guy that doesn't treat me like shit. Wow. So she tells you it's over, and you're like, mommy I'm sorry I was an asshole for 2 years.

Cool. So then we hit a few bumps, and she calls you... like she always does, and you finally dangle the carrot.
Now carrot is a metaphor, but not for the thing between you legs, she describes that as a prune, but dude it's probably just her trying to boost my ego. ok?
The carrot is the dream life, the happy times, the guy who is successful, and everyone likes and all her friends will be jealous of - be with the greatest guy.
Some problems however
I guess her friends kind of all think you're an idiot
But they like how much money you make
But they are pretty explicit about describing you as an idiot
Now don't get too mad buddy, but I did hear your voice on the answering machine, and I would have to agree
with them. You are a tad whiney and nasally, maybe it's like a 1k or 2k notch on your vocal eq. But you are fairly annoying to talk to I'm sure. Hey we're just calling it like we see it.
Yeah, that's right I'm actually friends with her friends, weird eh?
Funny how that works when you actually talk to them.
Oh and yes, I'm at her place when you call. Sometimes she closes the door to the room and
goes to talk to you alone, sometimes she just plays with my cock and talks to you. Creepy?
So where does that leave you and her?
Well, she's banking on ya buddy. Big time.
You are the mother load.
Oh wait.
Hold on now.
Let's reason this out.
I'm having some trouble reasoning this out.
So the reality is, yes you make good money.
Her friends don't actually like you.
They sort of feel sorry for her that she's into you.
And they are not jealous of you.
And I don't want to bring up the prune again, but it fits so well in this list dude.
Don't get bitter ok? I'm bitter enough for both of us.
Bitter like a prune. Except, well, that's you.
ok.

So how much do you make chris 75 80k? It might be more but I'm going to guess 80. You are not that qualified, I've done my research. Most likely she makes more than you.

I made 52 last year btw, plus a couple grand under the table, but let's say 52.

So what's that 28k right? That is a lot of money.
Well, actually half of that is taxed, so let's say it's 18k. We'll assume you have a good accountant.
18k
minus 5k to fix the prune
minus 5k to spend more money on the friends
minus 13k to spend more money on her than I already do

Now my friend, it's an even field isn't it?
I mean gosh darnit I may not be cma, but I'm pretty sure that if you add those numbers up they are equal to other numbers.

Yes they dont add up. It's stupid- that is exactly the point I'm trying to make. It is actually stupid. Because it's fucking money, and not the money that means the difference between a home or not a home. The kind of money that means do we shop at Ikea, or do we shop at fancy place. Do we listen to music on a fancy ass home system, or on el-packago panasonic all in oner. And since she makes more than both of us, it's kind of a mute point.

Except that it isn't for more most girls I guess.

Yeah I'm pretty sure that I'm a moron.
It's cool I admit it.
I'm in love with a girl who treats me like crap twice a week while she gallavants around with you, and then I reward her with sex.

But how do you not know I'm here?
I mean, we sign the same parking guestbook.
The rose on the table that never wilts, is mine. I replace it every week.
The computer by the tv is mine, you need my name to log in.
The clothesline I put up.
The sink I fixed, after you said you were too busy during your two years of god like power.
The dryer too.
Oh also the oven
And the closet door.
And the beer in the fridge is mine too asshole.
And my backpack is beside the futon.
And my jeans are on a suitcase in the closet.
And my guitar is in her trunk.
Seriously, she got me to hide it in her trunk last time you came over.
Seriously.

So, I promised I would be cool and not be confrontational with you.
Lol, that is pretty generous of me. I have seen you dude, in the hall way,
in the parking garage. You are not exactly an imposing guy.
But what would smacking you around prove?
That you are a fat IT manager who can't fight?
Yeah, I'm pretty sure we can just collect statistics to assure the truth of that without
having to conduct a live experiment.

so dude.
I'm going to go out and buy some condoms for tonight.

If she has you over on the weekend don't drink my corona. ok?


it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1272038800