I know you have heard this story before, but I am a one trick pony and its best that we get that out in the open right now.
I hate Kinkos. The mere thought of having to go there to accomplish something makes me tense up like I am watching the Wonder Years, because experience tells us that it is impossible to get anything done at Kinkos. It's like the antichrist of efficiency.
Tonight I had to go to Kinkos to print out my alphabetized indices for the Solicitors Exam, which is this Thursday and may very well be the swift kick out of law that I have been quietly been expecting for the past three years.
I went to Kinkos because I had to print this out, and Kinkos offers printing services. Some would say that it is their main service. I would disagree and say that their main product is debilitating frustration, but whatever.
I dragged Eric along with me because I knew there was a real chance that I might lose my mind if pride didn't force me to remain sane. When we got there we were informed that all (yes, ALL) of the black and white printers were out of service. We were then escorted to a computer beside a very frazzled looking mid-twenties-ish couple, who immediately (bless them) tried to stop our Kinkos representative from placing us at that console, because it had crashed on them a few times. Our Kinkos ambassador ignored their claims and logged us in. I didn't argue because it was the only free terminal and it looked like every other computer-user had desperately set up camp for the night in the hopes of printing the one email that they had hoped to get a paper copy of three hours ago when they first walked in.
The computer did not crash on us. I followed my instructions and sent 2x all the indices to the backup color photocopier. I grabbed my receipt and headed to the copier, only to be called to the front desk.
Kinkos rep: "Which files are yours?"
Me: "Pardon?"
KR: "Which files are yours?"
M: "Uhm...I sent six files..can I see the list?" (note - I was not this rational. I have edited this story to make myself look better. You can ask Eric. But this truly was the gist of the conversation)
The girl let me see the files, and perhaps not surprisingly, everyone at Kinkos was printing their Solicitor Exam indices, and we all had pretty much the same file names. This fact, for some strange reason, was delightful to the Kinkos Rep, who kept insisting that we were all printing the same file. Untrue. There is no way that I would take somone else's index into the exam.
Now would be a good time to mention that spending any amount of time in Kinkos makes me very agitated and anxious, which is unusual. It would be both fair and safe to describe me as awkward, socially unfortunate, and even mildly unreasonable. I have a quick temper and I tend to overreact on the angry end of things, but I am not normally anxious. Kinkos, however, is very effective at bringing out this not-often-seen side of me.
My heart broke into a million pieces, I lost the will to live and then found it again, I imagined about 400 ways to kill myself utilizing the handy tools and office accessories within a four-foot radius from where I was standing, and took brief pleasure at the idea of leaning across the desk and smashing the two Kinko Rep's heads together - but of course, it wasn't their fault.
From the outside, I think I turned about 6 different shades of red, each more fantastic and unnatural than the one before.
Luckily for me, I was the only person in the place who was printing TWO copies of the indices, so we got out pretty quickly. I wish I could say the same for the other people trying to print their stuff. They had been there for a while before us, and it looked like they were going to be there for a while afterwards.