Saturday, May 29, 2010

shit happens


According to today's Globe and Mail*, Toronto is under attack from a gang of four feces-squirting ATM super thieves. Here's how it works:

1. you go to an atm and take out boatloads of cash (they are watching you right now);
2. you go to a place where they think there are no cameras, or they somehow get you to go to this kind of place (example: elevators);
3. one of them surreptitiously squirts feces on you (and you totally don't even notice);
4. one of them pretends to notice and then they all quickly and friendly try to help you clean up and one of them also takes your shit;
5. you've been robbed AND someone squirted feces on you AND you still have feces on you

They are describe as "Hispanic. Police said they "could be in possession of squeeze bottles or containers of feces."


*ish - but with feeling