Check. - m4w
Date: 2010-09-20, 11:06PM EDT
Bishop just couldn't cope any more. His thoughts were eating him alive. Stuck in a dead end job, in what seemed like a dead-end relationship and a dead end at the end of a dead end. Even the thought of killing himself seemed like a task much to complicated for a fuck up like him to accomplish. He was a waste of human flesh and he knew it.His biggest source of pride in the recent year or so was quitting his pack a day smoking habit for the sake of his girlfriend. It came relatively easy to him because unlike most smokers who smoked because they couldn't stop due to complete and utter physical addiction to nicotine, the main reason bishop lit up was the thought of death. He figured he was too much of a pussy to put a gun under his chin and pull the trigger, so instead of painting the walls with his brain matter, he'd paint his lungs and kill himself slowly and a bit more indirectly. of course, his girl didn't apreciate the significance of the gesture and it became just another failed attempt on his part to succeed.
She was a constant source of his misery, although never maliciously. bishop had the unfortunate habit of being attracted to women whose mental stability was more than questionable. Wasn't his fault really, he just dug a chick with an edge. And to his credit, with most guys this referred to digging women with a party habit or a possessive personality, but to Bishop this meant out and out mental illness. the kinds of women who balance procariously between partial loopiness and downright lunacy. Not to take anything away from Bishop, his grip on reality was anything but firm. The problem with this girl in particuar was that he fell deeply in love with her and allowed his generally far too over guarded self the luxury of letting his anti-social defences down. the same defences that were developed for a reason. See, Bishop had never had anyone who loved him for him and when the first girl came along and seemed to be genuinely intersted in the real him, Bishop gave himself to her absolutely. Body, mind and soul. She on the otherhand, could never fully open up because of a deepseeded hate for herself and needed constant but indirect reasurance of bishops interest in her. She would downplay how much she liked being around him, or try to hide the fact that Bishops presence made her anything less than absolutely wet. The fact of the matter is, they were perfect for each other and they hated each other for it. Both afraid of conforming to a cliched happiness, yet both secretly and desperately longing for it.
Recently, things had been a little rockier than usual. Bishop had been allowing his recent bout of uncertainty and depression to interfere with the general goodness the two shared in the limited time allotments they had been able to work out for each other. She too, had been going through much of her own shit, and the mixture of the two created tension while not removing the wanton lust to be around each other.
Love-hate to say the least.
But as even a lowly mutt like Bishop could tell you, Uncertainty can bring about the positive as well as the negative. While it's true that Bishop was filled with doubt, doubt of himself and his life, the road he'd chosen to walk on.. more importantly he had grown to doubt his own ideologies and excuses. He could, for a moment see with extrapolating clarity and achieve his much desired equilibrium.
But Bishop knew nothing lasted forever.
He knows now that he must act quickly and plan the future while clarity and equilibrium are upon his troubled mind before he sinks into the kingdom of shit and becomes enveloped by its foundation. Most importantly,
Bishop now knows, that its now or never....He wants you to walk with him and be a part of that future, C.
He wants you.
PostingID: 1964929648
She was a constant source of his misery, although never maliciously. bishop had the unfortunate habit of being attracted to women whose mental stability was more than questionable. Wasn't his fault really, he just dug a chick with an edge. And to his credit, with most guys this referred to digging women with a party habit or a possessive personality, but to Bishop this meant out and out mental illness. the kinds of women who balance procariously between partial loopiness and downright lunacy. Not to take anything away from Bishop, his grip on reality was anything but firm. The problem with this girl in particuar was that he fell deeply in love with her and allowed his generally far too over guarded self the luxury of letting his anti-social defences down. the same defences that were developed for a reason. See, Bishop had never had anyone who loved him for him and when the first girl came along and seemed to be genuinely intersted in the real him, Bishop gave himself to her absolutely. Body, mind and soul. She on the otherhand, could never fully open up because of a deepseeded hate for herself and needed constant but indirect reasurance of bishops interest in her. She would downplay how much she liked being around him, or try to hide the fact that Bishops presence made her anything less than absolutely wet. The fact of the matter is, they were perfect for each other and they hated each other for it. Both afraid of conforming to a cliched happiness, yet both secretly and desperately longing for it.
Recently, things had been a little rockier than usual. Bishop had been allowing his recent bout of uncertainty and depression to interfere with the general goodness the two shared in the limited time allotments they had been able to work out for each other. She too, had been going through much of her own shit, and the mixture of the two created tension while not removing the wanton lust to be around each other.
Love-hate to say the least.
But as even a lowly mutt like Bishop could tell you, Uncertainty can bring about the positive as well as the negative. While it's true that Bishop was filled with doubt, doubt of himself and his life, the road he'd chosen to walk on.. more importantly he had grown to doubt his own ideologies and excuses. He could, for a moment see with extrapolating clarity and achieve his much desired equilibrium.
But Bishop knew nothing lasted forever.
He knows now that he must act quickly and plan the future while clarity and equilibrium are upon his troubled mind before he sinks into the kingdom of shit and becomes enveloped by its foundation. Most importantly,
Bishop now knows, that its now or never....He wants you to walk with him and be a part of that future, C.
He wants you.
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